Friday, July 3, 2009

Enjoying Vacation on Oahu

Happy Fourth of July! Some of you may have noticed that my blog has been quiet for awhile. I've been in paradise enjoying time with my family on vacation. Luckily our two weeks stay isn't over yet and we've got time left! Our family has been having a blast. We could not ask for a better vacation than having two weeks here on Oahu!
We are are in a wonderful beach house on Kailua Beach with M and the kids, my parents, my sisters and my brother. We are all celebrating my parents 40th wedding Anniversary and are looking forward to a fabulous Fourth of July celebration tomorrow.

Have a wonderful Fourth of July!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

My Pet Peeves in our search and along our journey....

This will kinda coincide with my last topic a bit. It will show a small side of the selfishness of a male. But hey, like I always say in my other posts.....this is my blog, so I'm going to write about what is going on in our search and how I feel about it. After all, it is my blog. This is a small little place for me to just entertain thoughts, express myself and or just say what I think.

So, in our very young search for our beloved second or long sought after second soul mate. I have discovered that there are somethings that really, really just annoy the hell out of me. (Excuse me for the strong wording, but these are things I feel strongly about.) I know some of what I am going to write about are things that I will have to learn to adjust to, adapt to and or be open to change with moving into a Polygamous relationship.....I'm understand that I will grow and change and that is a good thing.
But hey, I can find them annoying right? I am 38 years old, have been living my life the way that it is for just as long. I have been married for going on 20 wonderful years, we have done things the way we have for just as long. Changing and growing takes some time, I'm on that journey. Now onto the pet peeves......................

1. Women or in some cases girls... (Named so due to their maturity, not speaking of age here...often maturity and age don't necessarily have anything to do with one another. I'm not discriminating against young or old. Don't get me wrong.) So as I was saying, women or girls that think that because I have had 20 years together with my wife that they are owed something more coming into the relationship. Almost as if because I have already had a life and relationship with my wife, so they think she can be pushed aside so that she can have what we had in the past.......that is not going to happen!!!! Our lives will pick up on the day and time when she joins us. The life that we have will develop from there and it will encompass the 3 of us. Yes, there will be times that we get to know one another on a personal basis, but also she and my wife will have equally as much time to get to know one another. I just do not get where they are coming from thinking that I am to push aside my wife.......if this is how most single women are thinking when joining an established family then I am willing to wait for that one special person that can see it the way I do................

2. I hate when reading someones profile when doing the online dating thing that they leave out the important little tidbits or add things that have no meaning to them in reality. It is like lets try to lure someone in and maybe just maybe they won't ask about this or that. Or I like this one.....they say they are looking for this or that. Then you IM with them and talking. You get into a good conversation about everything and your starting laying down the building blocks to building a friendship, with the possibility of something more down the road. Then you start talking about the things your read on their profile or get more in-depth about things you talked about earlier. All of sudden they act like they do not know what you are talking about or better yet the say that was not what they meant or what they were looking for or into...........Can I say this........Then why the hell did you say it or write it in the first place?!?!?! The last thing I am going to say about this is.....If you do not mean it, don't write it or say it! If you think it is important or it is some sort of baggage that may follow, let people know! I do not want someone to say something just because they think that is what I want to hear. That is NOT the way to build a relationship. We are being honest, we expect is looking for a lifetime commitment to be honest as well.

3. Opinions.....we all have them!! But why do some of the women seeking families like to make their opinions seem more important? I am open to listening to anyone's view. We have friends and family who are dear to us who have views other than we do. It's not a problem. I think that point of view is very important in life and especially in a relationship. But in quite a few conversations we have had with single women, there are quite a few who seem to want to squash opinions.....I do not know why, but it happens. One, do they not know how relationships work? Secondly, do they not see that it is a huge turnoff to get into stupid arguments when trying to learn about one another? People, I ask you this. Am I wrong or and I right.....opinions right or wrong should be heard, people can have different views and that is okay. The discussion of the topic happens afterwards, once both sides have said their side of it. The other killer for me with this is that I am very vocal and adamant about getting my point across whether it be right or wrong...and I am not against being proven wrong either. I want to hear the other side, but I don't want to be cut off. I don't cut their opinion or view off, so why do it to mine? But for the sake of arguing or looking like an ass and just being polite....I have allowed my opinions to be cut short. But from here on out I am not going to do this any longer. I am the male of the house hold and I am just going to get my say in, I am willing to listen to all sides. I want to be heard just as much as anyone else. I have no problem listening to your side with an open mind, I just expect that you will give me the same courtesy. If our prospective mate cannot handle it and does not like what I have to say then I guess she is not meant for us!!!! Because if she is not holding back, I sure as hell am not going to either!

4. Being patronized!!!!!!!!! OMG, I cannot stand this from some of the gals out there. I have got to get this off my chest. This will be short and sweet. We meet a gal online and email with her a couple of times. We move onto IM. Then in no time, sometimes within minutes of IM for the first time she starts using the terms Deary, honey, sweetie and oh yes.... I have even been called "future hubby of mine"! Ladies, I have no flippin clues as to who the hell you really are......... You haven't had the chance to get to know me yet. SO PLEASE, DO NOT CALL ME BY ANY ENDEARING TERMS OR PET NAMES!!! I do not find it flattering, I do not find it cute, it is not a turn on and by no means is it sexy. Also, please do not start talking about having children with me!!! One woman actually used the phrase, "when we have sex and make babies". I do NOT know you.... Do not get me wrong, I do want to have children when we meet the right person and the time is right. I can not ascertain if you are the right person in less than 5 minutes, nor can you know the same about me! The main focus of this is a relationship, a life long commitment, not just sex. So, remember you are talking about dating a family. Discussing, "when you and I have sex", right off the bat...Talk about a major HUGE turn off.....more so than the above mentioned squashing of opinions. Don't do it, don't say it and please don't think it is cute...........enough said!!!! Once we are formally dating or even married, well then that is different....but until then.....ZIP IT!!! You just sound insincere and desperate!

This will be my last one....if there are more I can make another blog post.

5. Please know what the heck you are looking for. I mean know what style of plural relationship you really, really want. There is Polygamy, which is what we want. We want to marry and commit to our future wife. We want to spend the rest of our lives together. There is Polyamory, which is similar to Polygamy without the commitment of marriage and sometime even without fidelity. Polyamory which is often a general plural relationship sometimes even without the relationship....the term that comes to mind for this is the hippie phrase "Free Love". Lastly and even more general than the last is being a swinger. I personally do not even consider this a plural relationship of any kind. But there are some out there that do. Swinging and moving from partner to partner....or wanting to have a base of people that you can go to just to fulfill your sexual interests is not anyway associated with any polygamy. At least not people living in a form of poly are interested in something more than just sex. So, please ladies....know what you truly are looking for and want when searching for your plural relationship. Like I said above. We are looking for true Polygamist relationship. We are willing, waiting, wanting and ready to devote the rest of our lives to our future sister wife. I will treat my second wife with all the respect, honor and faithfulness as I do my loving and caring first wife.

In closing this long, long, long posting. I hope I have not turned anyone off or made any enemies. I am just posting things as they come to mind. They can be things that bother me from time to time or they can be things that I hear that need attention. All the above mentioned things happen to be things that have been bugging me lately. They are things that I have allowed to happen and I end up just keeping them pent up inside of me. Now that I have this blog I have a means to letting them out and blowing off a bit of steam.

If you are a single woman reading my blog posts and most especially this one. Please take note of this one. I am sure I am not the only guy out in the Polygamy dating scene that finds some of these actions annoying or really nose turning. The biggest and most important thing to be with your search for a Polyfamily to keep yourself HONEST and OPEN. Nobody has anything to gain with hiding things. If it is in your past or in the coming future might as well let it out of the bag. The truth will come out sooner or later and there is nothing but pain and grief that follow with secrets.

I will say this before ending. My wife and I are an open book. Those are more than just words. If you ask something about us we will give you and honest to GOD answer. We have nothing to hide or withhold. When we find our Ms. Right she will know exactly who we are, what we are about and what we were/are looking for.

Okay people, I am done and I am sure you are happy to see the words.................
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

No second male and the "WHY" not.....

This question has been asked to here, it's been asked to other Polygamy friendly families as well. Why are there usually more women added to the family and not other males? M wrote about this in a comment on her blog and discussed the difference between polygyny and polyandry. She also discussed that polygamy or polygyny is Biblical, while polyandry is not. I'm not going to address those points, as I think she did a pretty good job. Instead, I'm going to share with you some other thoughts about the subject. Recently, I watched a TV documentary that touched on this. It was not addressing Polygamy directly, but societies and the animal kingdom with multiple partners.

The program had a real simple explanation as to why females tend to be the majority in plural relationships and why there is usually only one male. Females tend to be more social and accepting of one another in groups. They tend to be motherly and directly involved in caring for one another's children as if they were their own. They also said in general women/females are more open to sharing their possessions once they have a bond with another female. There is a special bond that women often get once in close friendship with another women which makes them more open to living in a plural setting. I would say that that is one reason why women are more open to having sister-wives, not all women, but some women. Perhaps, one might even go as so far as to say that is why scientists have found that female brains are very different than males.

On the other hand, the program put it pretty plainly that males are selfish and do not share. At least when compared to females, even in the animal kingdom. We covet our possessions and deep down primal males consider females possessions. I do NOT look at my wife as a possession, but I do feel that we are one, united and truly part of one another. The program used many different situations showing how males protected what was perceived as 'theirs'. The showed how in the animal kingdom males fight and kill to protect their female/females. They used examples from long ago of how fights, duels and battles were started over ones wife/wives.
If you think about it from a Biblical standpoint, it is a sin to covet another man's wife/wives. This reinforces feeling united with your wife/wives. Which reinforces those protective feelings, making it much harder to even consider sharing your wife/wives with another man.

This information was just from something that I watched the other night. I thought it was interesting since this question is often brought up on other blogs and forums. If you take the time to look at it, you can see it. I can see it......My wife and I go out from time to time with friends which usually happen to be girls. When we go out for a night of live music and dancing. She has no problem with me dancing with the girls and it is all just clean fun. But I will tell you this from a males prospective.....when I see a guy moving in and trying to get into the group........My spidey senses get into a lather!!! The primal thoughts of "these girls are here with me" and they are invading starts up....I know I lay no claim to any of them except my own wife. But when you start out the night as the only guy getting the attention and another tries to edge into your is not good. Often these guys try to make their way in and before you know it they are causing problems. More than once I have had to ask a guy to step back.... I'm protective, I will admit it. It's actually one of the reasons why M's girlfriends like to go out with us. It's also another reason why some of them who are married or in relationships, prefer to go out with us if their guys aren't able to take them out.

So, I will close this up by saying this... Multiple men sharing one wife doesn't work in most instances. Excuse me for saying so, but we are often too damn jealous, too possessive, too dominant and protective. We are selfish by nature and there would be nothing but trouble. I mean lets not even start with the procreation battles that could ensue, after all in polygamy if two women want to get pregnant, no problem. But if two men want to Father children at the same time.......jealously over who gets to be the next Father, who has the better genes, who is the better Dad......Oh man....that would start a war from within......those are just my thoughts.

I know others will have a different point of view, feelings and or experiences. But this is my blog and I share what information I come across along with my views and feelings.

Monday, May 25, 2009

For those who judge.......Why???

My first topic title sounds very confrontational, I know this.... BUT there is an enormous amount of people in this vast world of ours who judge everyone who does not live according to the rules or some preset mold.

Why??? Why do you judge people just because they do not live they way you do? Or the way you think they should? If you open your eyes long enough to take a good look at many of the people who are involved in Polygamy/Plural Marriage... You will find we are as normal as the rest of you. We are not religious freaks, we are not part of some crazy cult, we are not anarchists against the government or society.........We are just normal everyday people, we are no different than you or the people you see in your everyday life. We could be and many of us are PTA members, Sport Coaches, Booster Club members, Girl Scout leaders and so on. We are just everyday people who have plenty of love to share.....with more than just one spouse.

I can say for my own family, that our entrance into the world of Plural Marriage is from a love standpoint. We have lived within the culture box that we are all "SUPPOSED" to live in long enough. We have had special relationships with friends (platonic but definitely romantic) in the past, that if we had known that plural marriage was an option..... Well, I can honestly say we would have been involved plural marriage a lot sooner. (I will write more about this in a future post) For us this is not just some whim. Instead of realizing sooner that we could have made other choices, we have always lived within the box that we were "SUPPOSED" to live in. At least according to mainstream society. We were raised to think that if you had feelings for someone else that it was wrong. Let me make this clear, I have and will never cheat on my wife, she means the world to me. But If we, as a couple, choose to look for someone who we want to become a part of our marriage, a part of our family and a part of our lives...someone with whom we will make a true lifetime commitment. Well, I say this....who are you to judge?

Let me make this clear, so that you do not not misunderstand. I do not believe in force polygamy. I do not believe in bringing another person into your marriage without your spouse fully on-board. I do not believe a man should EVER pressure his wife into bringing someone else into the marriage. To do so, I believe violates the honor and commitment you made with your spouse before God on your wedding day. That said, if your wife believes in plural marriage and you find someone you both believe should be part of your family and you both feel truly called to poly/plural marriage...then that is not for anyone else to judge.

As for my use of the term "Normal". I do mean it....judge me for using it, but some of us really are no different than you....We will be labeled as "crazy, radical, non-conformists, part of some religious cults or cult followers". Guess what? We are not! My family and I are just as normal as your next door neighbor in your suburban home. We are no different than the "normal" family sitting next to you in the pew at church. Open your eyes, for all you know are the family living next door to you or sitting next to you at church. However, there is no doubt in my mind that we will be judged and labeled at some point for choosing to live our lives this way.

This is not, I repeat, this is not....I am sure those who read this will say, "yeah right".....but this is not about sex either. That is not to say that sex will not be a part of this, but it is no different than sex being a part of a loving marriage.....mono or poly. For us this is about finding another soul mate. We both feel she is out there an waiting for us to cross paths. We both anxiously await the day that we find each-other.

As to spelling out who I am and why I claim I am just like everyone else...I am a proud Veteran of the United States Military, I coached AYSO soccer coach for 8 years, an active member of the PTA who was elected and served as President of our PTA. I have always been actively involved in sports boosters and our sons sports teams. I have been an instrumental part of helping other parents find and receive sport scholarships to college for their children. I have volunteered numerous hours for our previous church. Including, but not limited to starting a physical education program and running it for quite some time for our children's previous private Christian school. I was the first person they called when something needed to be fixed or a teacher needed a hand. Even when our previous Pastor had a problem with his home that he could not take care of himself, I never hesitated to drop whatever I was doing give him a hand. This is just a handful of things that I have done.....Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying any of this to brag or boast, don't confuse my meaning. My point is that we should not be labeled and you should not rush to judgement. Personally, I can tell you that I think I have done more than the "NORMAL" person or neighbor. Again, that is not to boast but only to convey that despite all of this or anything I may have done in the past....because I have more than enough love and resources to support 2 wives.....I will be judged harshly, without any regard for who I really am as a person..............

In closing, let me just say this.....before you judge us or any other Poly/Plural family get to know who we really are as people. Do not judge us by how many women with whom we have made a lifetime commitment. If you take to the time to understand or get to know us.....why we live the way we do or who we are as people, you might just come to understand that those labels don't fit. We aren't asking you to choose plural marriage for your own family. We aren't saying it's right for everyone, I do not want to choose what is right for your family and you should not choose what is right for mine. I will ask you to ponder these questions. Why does society say it okay for single males to go around and play the field? Why is it okay for some of those men to use women? Why is it okay for them to sleep with as many women as they please? Why is it okay for some of them to have children with women they have no intention of being honorable to... all because he was not responsible while performing the actions previously mentioned? Some of these men do not provide for these women or the children at all. But there are some who will even give kudos to these men for all of this or act like that is acceptable. Some of those same people will pass judgement or stick a label on me. We have an epidemic of single mothers having children without any Father to provide the emotional or financial support every child deserves. In our current society, it's okay for a man to sleep with hundreds of women. It's even applauded by some for a guy to have 'notches on his belt'...Why is that okay with our current society? Why do these guys get a pass and in some cases a pat on the back? Yet, someone like me who wants to make or has made a serious lifetime commitment to love and honor more than one wife is wrong? I provide for my wife and family, I will continue to do so. I will be able to support another wife and any future children as well. I do not use the welfare system, nor will I do so in the future. I do not condone such behavior at all! I'm also not looking for your approval, but I do not believe I deserve your judgement. So, please tell me why we are classified as horrible, heinous monsters?